Limericks for 2014
Once an angry exec, name o' Cho
Threw a guy off a plane set to go
'Cos he brought her nut treat
In a bag she can't eat ...
Now instead she's been made to eat crow!
(December, 2014)
Story
here
A spacecraft called Philae descended
Then bounced and relanded, up-ended
Upon a far comet
But won't signal from it ...
The batteries cannot be mended!
(November, 2014)
Though your i-Phone be charged to full load
Keep that charger on hand, safely stowed ...
'Cos its cord need be tied
If your son should decide
To be born at the side of the road!
(October, 2014)
Story
here
A bishop of Sussex and Surrey
Whom chastity vows didn't worry
No longer could hide
An affair he'd denied
And was forced to resign in a hurry!
(September, 2014)
Story
here
Said the Queen to the Scots: It's no joke
All think hard on the future, you folks! ...
Now the plan to secede
Lacks the votes it would need
To cast off the old Sassenachs' yoke!
(September, 2014)
A goldfish whose brain had a tumour
Was circling his bowl in bad humour
His owner went splurgin'
To pay for a surgeon ...
Whose skill meant the lump was no doomer!
(September, 2014)
Story
here
No game for the hurried is cricket
You have to have patience to stick it ...
Or you will get bored
When no runs have been scored
And it's hours since one's taken a wicket!
(August, 2014)
When two soccer popes' teams play for gold
Does the Lord help the new, or the old? ...
It appears that the Lord
Willed that Benedict scored
And left Francis's phone call on hold!
(July, 2014)
Story
here
Once a fox in the city of Leeds
Who believed she was doing good deeds
Gifted shoes every day ...
Now a house on her way
Has more gardening boots than it needs!
(June, 2014)
Story
here
There was once an old sailor from Hove
Who would not miss a D-Day, by Jove!
With the cops on his tail
Back to France did he sail ...
To remember when first he arrove!
(June, 2014)
Story
here
A tiger, a bear and a lion
Found harmony so satisfyin'
Each cared for the others
As though they were brothers ...
Now ain't that just somethin' worth tryin'?
(May, 2014)
Story
here
When your French railway company's not
Who runs trains on your tracks a whole lot
You can buy a whole fleet
Whose dimensions don't meet
How much space between platforms you've got!
(May, 2014)
Story
here
A romantical bird's the kagu
There's no happier bird in the zoo
For each husband and wife
Will stay mated for life
From the moment they both coo "I do"!
(May, 2014)
Story
here
They've revealed Easter's royal surprise:
It's a portrait by one of those guys
Who likes gals to be strong
Of a queen who's reigned long ...
With a mischievous glint in her eyes!
(April, 2014)
Story
here
Farewell to the wee Mickey Rooney
Who's magic on screen—no-way puny! ...
But many a wife
Meant that much of his life
Was spent broke while he paid ali-mooney!
(April, 2014)
A Russian called Vladimir Putin
For whom all Ukraine isn't rootin'
Can ruffle one's feathers
In all kinds of weathers
'Cos Putin likes puttin' his boot in!
(March, 2014)
Little Colonel, Bright Eyes, Curly Top
Shirley Temple's the cream of the crop ...
But we now say goodbye
As she sails through the sky
On The Good Ship they call Lolli-pop!
(February, 2014)
A Superbowl billed as nail-biting
Turned out to be so unexciting
You'd have to say boring
With one team outscoring
The other so much they stopped fighting!
(February, 2014)
Now Antarctica's temperature soars
When compared to Lake Michigan's shores
In Chicago, I'm told
At the Zoo it's so cold
That their polar bear's ordered indoors!
(January, 2014)
Story
here
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