Limericks for 2015
Poor Santa is filled with foreboding
What worries him's not overloading
Of toys on his sleigh
Or what hoverboards weigh—
But the danger they'll soon start exploding!
(December, 2015)
Story here
For turkeys, Thanksgiving is fateful
It's hardly a time to be grateful ...
Unless, this Thanksgiving
Those turkeys are living
Where veggies alone make a plateful!
(November, 2015)
Once three eggheads from Harvard opined:
"We are champs at debating," you'll find
"We will surely not fail
To prevail at the jail" ...
But they lost to the criminal mind!
(October, 2015)
Story here
I recall I once had a toy car
Which I pedalled and didn't go far ...
But today's tykes at play
Might escape far away—
Driving nought but a new Jag-u-ar!
(September, 2015)
Story here
Once some bears who were feeling too hot
Found a pool on some humans' back lot
Where they played by the rules
That all bears have for pools ...
Now it seems that that pool may be shot!
(August, 2015)
Story here
The dentist from River Bluff Dental
Whose urge to kill lions was mental
Has slunk underground ...
I do hope he'll be found
And will serve many years penitential!
(July, 2015)
Story here
Once an ancient democracy, Greece
By a three-to-two vote said, "We cease
With austerity's lot"! ...
But their will's a will not—
From austerity there's no release!
(July, 2015)
Story here
A contender for Prez known as Trump
Wants to build a big wall you can't jump
To keep Mexicans south ...
I do hope his loud mouth
Means his dollars won't count on the stump!
(June, 2015)
Story here
There once was a king called Sepp Blatter
Who said: Only I ever matter
All soccer's all mine
And I'll never resign ...
Now his ego could hardly be flatter!
(June, 2015)
Story here
It's farewell to the beautiful mind
Of John Nash, which a film once defined ...
He is now rising high
To his place in the sky ...
But he leaves his game theory behind!
(May, 2015)
Story here
Once two circus performers I knew
Took the plunge without falling from view
Dressed in wedding attire
On a very high wire
In true love did they both say, I do!
(May, 2015)
Story here and here
A mailman with wings that rotated
Whom Congress had greatly frustrated
Their radar flew under
Protesting the plunder
Of laws that Big Wealth has dictated!
(April, 2015)
Story here
Being skinny is no longer chic
For French models to be at their peak:
Anexorexia's out ...
'Cos the law says, pig out!—
Have an ice cream, or three, every week!
(April, 2015)
Story here
A sailor who once took a notion
To drift in his boat on the ocean
Sprang lots of huge leaks ...
But survived for ten weeks
On raw fish and a rainwater potion!
(April, 2015)
Story here
'Tis when clocks are moved forward an hour
And the larks smile and sing in their show'r ...
But from us who're night owls
Come disconsolate howls
As we're wrung from our beds with a glow'r!
(March, 2015)
If you're Dutch and you prize your toupee
Mind that owl who's dive-bombing your way!
It's too silent, this bird
To be humanly heard—
So be armed, with your brolly at bay!"
(February, 2015)
Story
here
Brian Williams said: "My chopper ride
Got fired down with yours truly inside!" ...
But the fire's in his pants ...
And so Williams recants:
"When I told you that story, I lied!"
(February, 2015)
Story
here
What will happen in Twenty Fifteen?
Who will feature in Time Magazine? ...
We must hope the debate
On humanity's fate
Is less red versus blue, and more green!
(January, 2015)
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