Limericks for 2008
Once a journalist could not enthuse
At George Bush's political views ...
So he took careful aim
At his target of blame
And then hurled his own two Size 10 shoes!
(December, 2008)
Once a Governor, who's out on bail
Had a Senate seat listed for sale
But his price was so high
No one offered to buy ...
Now he's going to cell in a jail!
(December, 2008)
Once a popular Japanese zoo
With two polar bear "breeders" on view
For six months wondered why
They would not multiply ...
But there's not just one female, there's two!
(November, 2008)
There once was a preacher called Martin
Who dreamed of when all would take part in
The life of his nation
Without separation ...
And now with Obama it's startin'!
(November, 2008)
Asked McCain: "Cindy, why did you smear
That Barack with such venom, my dear?" ...
Thought she: "John, I invect
So you'll never suspect
That I'm voting Obama this year!"
(October, 2008)
Boasts Alaska's most proud hockey mom:
"It's at Walmart I dress with aplomb" ...
But the clothes that she wears
Are for putting on airs—
Saks Fifth Avenue's where they are from!
(October, 2008)
Said McCain: My opponent is hot
Though an Arab I know he is not
So respect him, my friends ...
'Cos before this race ends
I'll be whipping That One's you-know-what!
(October, 2008)
John McCain, at a press inter-view
Seeking votes to become the guy who
Leads the next govern-ment
Claimed one hundred per cent
Of the lies he is telling are true!
(October, 2008)
An unabashed bird imitator
(A jet-propelled Swiss aviator)
Set off to fly over
From Calais to Dover
And landed thir-teen minutes later!
(September, 2008)
A Republican, name o' McCain
Has insisted throughout his campaign
That at foreign affairs
There's no one who compares ...
Yet he doesn't know who's leading Spain!
(September, 2008)
There once was a Governor Palin
Who relished moose huntin' and whalin'
And favored oil drillin'
Right next to moose killin'...
And now is McCain's new Dan Quayle 'un!
(August, 2008)
The man whom Barack did decide on
Whose mouth is a famously wide 'un—
Well known for him puttin'
Quite often his foot in—
Is Delaware's Senator Biden!
(August, 2008)
Michael Phelps was in such golden form
That he took the Olympics by storm ...
Said he, when inter-viewed:
My whole secret is food—
What I gobble is six times the norm!
(August, 2008)
Once an airline called Qantas said: We
Are unable to quite guarantee
That your luggage won't fall
Through a hole in the wall
Of our plane ... but we'll land you safe-ly!
(July, 2008)
Zimbabwe's long-serving dictator
Said: I'm no democracy hater ...
In this fair election
Decide your selection—
You vote for me now, or else later!
(June, 2008)
An old guy who'd drunk from youth's fountain
Though seventy-six years and countin'
Said: "Now I have time
For an Everest climb" ...
Then he raced to the top of the mountain!"
(May, 2008)
There was once an old Hillary Clin-
ton who said: "I'm determined to win ...
So in states where I'm Out
On the votes, I'll cast doubt—
But I'll double-count votes where I'm In!"
(May, 2008)
Once a millionaire, Tony Blair
Said: I looked, but my pocket was bare ...
And so therefore, since I
Am so vaunted a guy
I will ride without paying my fare!
(April, 2008)
Said the Pope to George Bush: Better stop
Saying God told you be the world's cop! ...
Or we'll prove you did lie
About phone calls on high—
Don't you know that we always eaves-drop?
(April, 2008)
There once was a Governor Spitzer
Whose call girl said: Don't mind a bit, sir! ...
Five grand of your money
Will buy an hour's honey—
And prove you're a huge hypo-crite, sir!
(March, 2008)
A Republican, name o' McCain
Keeps repeating the same old refrain:
The experienced guy
Is assuredly I ...
'Cos I'm almost too old to campaign!
(February, 2008)
German nudists can now take a trip
To the Baltic for nude fellow-ship
And remove all their clothes
On the plane as it goes ...
Giving meaning anew to "air-strip"!
(January, 2008)
Once Ed Hillary, still in his prime
Up the world's highest mountain did climb
And while perched on the peak
In a cloud of mystique
Said the view from up there was sublime!
(January, 2008)
© 2008. All rights reserved.
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