Limericks for 2005
The winningest coach, Bobby Bowden
Once drew an ecstatical crowd in ...
But now his team's under
So often, fans wonder
If Bowden should still be allowed in!
(November, 2005)
'Twas the worst year for hurricanes yet
They had used every name in the set
For the season's named storms ...
Now each new one that forms
Helps to teach us the Greek alphabet!
(November, 2005)
Once a chap who had won the Nobel
Killed a man while out driving like hell ...
Said the judge: You are smart
But you haven't a heart —
So you're spending two years in a cell!
(November, 2005)
No longer will Harriet Miers
Join Bush's chief justice deniers ...
But judge can she play
With robes hired for a day
From some Halloween costume suppliers!
(October, 2005)
Once a cricketer, named Gary Pratt
Was unable to bowl or to bat
When for England he played ...
But a throw that he made
Caused the series' most crucial howzat!
(September, 2005)
Says George Bush: That John Bolton's my man
To berate the U.N. with my plan
To dictate ev'rything
As the Earth's supreme king
'Cos he bullies whenever he can!
(August, 2005)
An American cyclist called Lance
Had a win in the great Tour de France
For a seventh straight year
Then retired — so it's clear
That next year someone else has a chance!
(July, 2005)
Lady Luck's county cricketers' boss
For July's quarter-finals: across
The two cups (all eight games)
She's the fairest of dames ...
'Cos who lost in each game won the toss!
(July, 2005)
The U.S. Supreme Court now attacks
Your most basic of rights with an ax:
It has ruled that the town
Can just knock your house down
If developers promise more tax!
(June, 2005)
Will Great Britain appoint a new czar
Who with satellites spies from afar
To convert your life style
Into road tax per mile
On each journey you make in your car?
(June, 2005)
There once was a French referendum
On Europe, and who should defend 'em ...
United consensus
To break down old fences? ...
No, France, it would seem, wants to mend 'em!
(May, 2005)
Once a now great-great-grandfather, Ed
To a future great-grandmother said:
Should Great-Granddaughter run
With my son's son's son's son ...
Though we can't, maybe they can be wed!
(April, 2005)
Once a movie for Easter, Ben-Hur
Made the following riddle occur:
Why is Heston at oar
Like Bush senior of yore? ...
Forty one numbers each right-wing sir!
(March, 2005)
A tiger who brandished his nipper
To maul an accomplished unzipper
Must make reparation
In cash compensation
For what she'd have earnt as a stripper!
(March, 2005)
Once a daring old airman called Steve
A stupendous great circle did weave
Flying solo, non-stop
Round the world in one hop ...
And took less than three days, I believe!
(March, 2005)
A middle-aged monarch-in-waiting
For thirty long years has been dating ...
Now Charles and Camilla
Can share the same villa
Officially, after re-mating!
(February, 2005)
Who's kidnapped, and facing a trigger?
Please zoom in and make that shot bigger! ...
Why doesn't he tremble? ...
It seems to resemble
A Cody all-action toy figure!
(February, 2005)
In Europe, a sexagenarian
(Romanian, not a Bavarian)
Said, "Oldest of mothers
To be is my druthers"
And had a wee babe, by Caesarean!
(January, 2005)
Says George Bush: have the citizen-ry
Aid tsunami folks generous-ly ...
And state millions spent
On a lavish event
In D.C. to inaugurate me!
(January, 2005)
© 2005. All rights reserved.
To return to the top of the page, click here.