Limericks for 2004
What the life of a soldier must mean
To you, Rumsfeld! How heart-felt you've been! —
If condolences go
To all mourners in woe ...
Each one signed by your writing machine!
December, 2004)
Said a Lib the election dismayed:
"Now for Canada plans must be made" ...
Said George Bush: "Where's the point? —
Once Iran's out of joint
Who d'ya think I want next to invade?"
(November, 2004)
Republicans' top politician
Has rarely accomplished a mission ...
Though once while he starred
In the National Guard
He showed up for repairs on dentition!
(October, 2004)
"Mr. Edwards," snapped Dick, "you're a peeve
Whom I never did meet till this eve!"
"Mr. Cheney," laughed John
"Have your marbles all gone? ...
We have met thrice before, I believe!"
(October, 2004)
As the clock approached 10:24
And the prez looked so bushed he might snore
Thought he, "Why's this debate
Running so very late? ...
It's an hour past my bedtime, or more!"
(September, 2004)
A Democrat, name o' Zell Miller
Who's such a Republican pillar
And yearns for renewal
Of man's right to duel
Looks more every day like Godzilla!
(September, 2004)
Once a Sunday league cricket event
Had Glamorgan about to beat Kent
Who'd lost nine of their kind
And were five runs behind ...
When the very last ball for six went!
(August, 2004)
In short sprints or in long mar-a-thons
The world's fastest, most high or strong ones
Are the three most content
In their Athens event
With Olympic gold, silver and bronze!
(August, 2004)
Says George Bush when a new poll release
Shows him losing, as soldiers decease:
Was it War Prez I said? ...
What I meant was instead
"Re-elect" me as Prez who's for Peace!
(July, 2004)
Said George Bush of Dick Cheney, "He can
Be the president, so he's my man ... "
Said John Kerry, "Agree —
And not only can be ...
But he has since the day Bush began!"
(July, 2004)
A man who pontificates vainly
Was heard in the Senate most plainly:
Vice-President Cheney
(Who thinks he is brainy
But dropped out of Yale) spoke profanely!
(June, 2004)
Northwest's captain said, bearing a frown:
"Don't look out! Keep those window shades down! ...
Have we landed somewhere? ...
No, we're still in the air! ...
And some day we will find the right town!"
(June, 2004)
"I'm about to drop in on the French"
Richard Branson said, taking a drench
"This amphibious car
Did I drive from afar —
For a record in crossing the Trench!"
(June, 2004)
A memo that's so law-abiding
John Ashcroft must keep it in hiding
Claims torture, though awful
Is perfectly lawful
If ordered by one who's presiding!
(June, 2004)
Once George Bush was out riding his bike
When ahead loomed a lone cactus spike
Said he, grabbing his gun
"Gonna shoot ya fer fun" ...
Hiss ... (a puncture) ... Botanical strike!
(May, 2004)
Said Prince Philip: Gadzooks, what a mess!
Do you think I would ever undress
For a portrait? ... And why
Am I hosting a fly
With my finger outstretched sprouting cress?
(April, 2004)
There once was a woman called Condi
Of whom the Far Right were so fondi
She'd pass the buck by
Going "Lie? Oh, my, my! ...
I assure you my word is my bondi!"
(April, 2004)
Oh, why was a British physician
Removed from his surgeon's position?
For botching brain surgery?
Medical perjury? ...
Croutons without cook's permission!
(March, 2004)
For Nobel's most prestigious peace prize
Please don't nominate warmonger guys
Who began a new war
That the world wasn't for
Using webs of deception and lies!
(March, 2004)
Now the head of the Federal Reserve
Wants a social security swerve
Cutting what old folks make
To keep Bush's tax break ...
What a nerve! What a nerve! What a nerve!
(February, 2004)
A White House contender, Kucinich
Whose main source of protein is spinach
Though so very healthy
Ain't delegate-wealthy ...
And won't have a stake at the finich!
(January, 2004)
There once was a Senator Kerry
Whose message, despite being very
Sore-throated and raucous
Made Iowa's caucus
Dick Gephardt's campaign ceme-tery!
(January, 2004)
Martha Stewart's insisting: "Did not
Ever fudge over stocks that I'd got" ...
Said she, "Honorable judge
It ain't my kind of fudge ...
And the best kind of stock's in a pot!"
(January, 2004)
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