Limericks for 2003
Once two bicycle makers called Wright
Pedalled up to a hill's highest height
With such speed that when there
They took off in the air ...
It was man's very first powered flight!
(December, 2003)
Segregationist Senator Strom
Wouldn't say where the maid's child came from ...
But it lately appears
After eighty odd years
That by him was the maid made a mom!
(December, 2003)
They've blitzkrieged Iraq into rubble
And stirred up a whole lot of trouble
To capture Hussein ...
But who's sure that it's plain
That Saddam is himself — not a double?!
(December, 2003)
In American baseball, it seems
The World Series is grandest of dreams.
But the teams who can play
Are just World USA ...
'Cos they'd lose to those Mexican teams!
(November, 2003)
An American, name o' Kirk Jones
Takes a sixty-yard plunge over stones
Down Niagara Falls ...
Then swims off, as he drawls:
"Well, I'm drenched, but I've no broken bones!"
(October, 2003)
Abusers of power's narcotic
Will blast other guys who're despotic
Intimidate jurists
Incarcerate tourists ...
And claim that they're just patriotic!
(September, 2003)
A gubernatorial tussle
Means Golden State Democrats hustle
To stop their side losing ...
And voters from choosing
A hunk of Republican muscle!
(August, 2003)
There was one time a golfer called Ben
Who had never been heard of ... but then
At five hundred to one
He competed and won
The first prize at the British O-pen!
(July, 2003)
Said a Brit who'd paid taxes and all:
Where's my invite to Prince William's ball?
If I cannot gate-crash
At this big birthday bash
Then I'll simply climb over the wall!
(June, 2003)
Since the government's failed to address
Enron males' theft of billions, no less
Why should Martha do time
For a much smaller crime ...
'Cos she's female, and stands for success?
(June, 2003)
Once a feminine golfer did say:
With the masculine golfers I'll play ...
And so scared Vijay Singh
With her lady golf swing
That he scratched from the men's PGA!
(May, 2003)
Says George Bush: It quite makes my blood boil
To hear folks say I want Iraq's oil ...
We'll just take some to pay
For my war, plus each day
That our troops occupy Iraq's soil!
(April, 2003)
There's a wee bit of Irish, they say
Touching everyone's heart in some way ...
Save for Bush, Rumsfeld, Rice
And their gang — who're not nice
Starting war on St. Patrick's own day!
(March, 2003)
Mr. Rogers, you've not passed away
For our children forever will play
In that safe neighborhood
Where friends learn love is good
And it's always a beautiful day.
(February, 2003)
Why did lightning strike Jeb Bush's plane?
Just coincidence, and heavy rain? ...
Or did God not approve
A State Library move
And strike Bush to reveal his disdain?
(February, 2003)
Says George Bush: Now it's time to make war ...
It's irrelevant what it is for
'Cos I'm for it as long
As it makes me feel strong
And I'm able to settle Dad's score!
(February, 2003)
The State of the Union oration
By Bush promised lower taxation
For those whose high living
Needs oil to keep giving
And war for the rest of the nation.
(January, 2003)
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