Limericks for 2002
Claims Republican Senator Lott:
I'm no racist — that's Democrat rot! ...
Had you voted for Strom
Like the folks where I'm from
We'd be problemless now, would we not?
(December, 2002)
Here's to duct tape: the bonding it brings
Has been used to repair many things
'Tis a great bargain buy ...
But I'd rather not fly
With an airline that tapes broken wings!
(December, 2002)
But your Honour, complained Princess Anne
My dog Dotty would never harm man —
As bull terriers go
She's the sweetest I know ...
She just bites through her leash when she can!
(November, 2002)
For peace among all the world's nations
Against human rights violations
There's none who's worked smarter
Than Jimmy Earl Carter ...
So hearty Nobel 'gratulations!
(October, 2002)
George Bush — a top German did mention —
By turning domestic attention
To warrin' 'n' bombin'
Is acting in common
With Hitler's despotic ascension!
(September, 2002)
Why does Bush want to start a new war
That the rest of the world isn't for? ...
'Cos without such a brawl
There is no way at all
He can win in 2004?
(August, 2002)
Welfare kids hoped their ship would come in ...
But Jeb Bush's new child mandarin
Of most senior rank
Thinks it's no crime to spank
And leave bruises or welts on the skin!
(August, 2002)
Make accountants accountable! See
You get auditors audited! We
Learn the Bush paradigm
To fight corporate crime ...
But then what should executives be?!!
(August, 2002)
There were once Philadelphians nine
Trapped three days in a deep, flooded mine ...
But the death toll was nil —
'Cos of rescuers' skill
Philadelphians nine emerged fine!
(July, 2002)
Sixty two million dollars, no cents
For a building design that prevents
Nuclear waste spreading round —
But the structure's unsound ...
So they're storing the waste in some tents!
(June, 2002)
Dionne Warwick, in line to get high
Is surprised when her lipstick can't fly ...
She remarks: "Though it's pot
I'm a star, am I not? ...
I presumed I could just Walk On By!"
(May, 2002)
Says Crown Prince Abdulla, a Saudi:
"I'm civilized, but I'll say howdy
To Bush down in Texas ...
If one of the sexes
In airport control's not allowedy!"
(April, 2002)
Says the Reverend Cardinal Law:
"I forgive child molesters their flaw
If they're clerics of mine ...
And I will not resign ...
I sinned not—I just hid what I saw!"
Says Cardinal Roger Mahony:
"This cover-up charge is baloney
The scandal's so shocking
I'm all for defrocking ...
Unless the accused is my crony!"
(April, 2002)
"My fuzz I'll remove with this snipper"
Says Al (with his beard, looking hipper)
"'Cos you plan to run
For the Senate ... All done! ...
What, you won't?" ... Just score one for the Tipper!
(March, 2002)
In Utah, a mystery beckoned:
How Russia by judges was reckoned
To lose in ice skating
But earn the gold rating ...
While Canada won but came second!
(February, 2002, during which my Muse appeared to return after
mysteriously vanishing for several months ...)
© 2002. All rights reserved.
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