Limericks for 2001
Why do lions who answer a call
To arrive in September, have all
Of their travelling done
By the equinox sun? ...
Because pride always comes before fall!
(September, 2001, during which my Muse mysteriously vanished for
several months ...)
For thirty four years I've been married
Droned Condit to Chung, as they parried ...
You ask if I'm moral? ...
Without any quarrel —
'Twas only for Chandra I tarried!
(August, 2001)
Heir Apparent to lead Uncle Sam
Was I once, sighed Al Gore, till that sham ...
So I've grown a goatee
For the voters to see
Who's the true Hair Apparent — I am!
(August, 2001)
Drinking gin and a fun-loving time
Are the factors to make your age climb
Says Queen Mother to you ...
Why are factors but two? —
'Cos 101 is a prime!
(August, 2001)
Philanderer? Congressman Condit
Denied it: "My word is my bond!" It
Turns out he was lying ...
And now he's denying
He knows where his lover's abscondit!
(July, 2001)
Says Venus: The Will I am showing
Is Just ineffaceably growing ...
Oh, Hen in fine fettle
You now test my mettle ...
But home as a champ you ain't going!
(July, 2001)
Geography's not a sensation
For one with a Yale education ...
That's President Bush
With his war-on-AIDS push —
Helping Africa 'cos it's a nation!
(June, 2001)
"With Lake Woebegone's cure for malaise"
Thinks the Army, "morale can we raise ...
Won't our militar-ee
All above average be
If we issue them all black berets?"
(June, 2001)
If you don't want your boss to say nay
When you ask leave to do things your way
Then you'd better ask soon ...
Don't delay until June —
'Cos permissions are granted by "May"!
(May, 2001)
Why did China so quickly turn nice?
Did you think that one sorry'd suffice? ...
No, it freed U.S. crew
When it learnt that it's true
There's a White House insider called Rice!
(April, 2001)
Did those guests who helped Navy cadets
Crash a sub through a fishing boat's nets
Also board EP-3
On the South China sea
To help down one of China's war jets?
(April, 2001)
Public speaking with fuzzy techniques:
Sounds like daze, but perhaps it means weeks
Sounds like ant, but it's niece
Sounds like wore, but it's peace —
It's the way that the president speaks!
(March, 2001)
Here's why FCAT has parents distraught:
Frantic Cramming Annihilates Thought
Fails Creative Arts Too
Fewer Children Aim True ...
Fundamentally, Classes Aren't Taught!
(March, 2001: The Florida Comprehensive Assessment
Test was implemented this month.)
In his State of the Union address
Did George Bush offer tax-cut largesse
That the poorer are due
To the wealthiest few ...
It's called trickle-down theory, I guess!
(February, 2001)
An eavesdropper by the Rose Garden
Heard "Half-brother Bill, you're a hard 'un!" ...
Then: "No, brother Roger
I'm just a poor dodger —
And six more for free I can't pardon!"
(February, 2001)
In Clinton and Rodham Society
Where meanings have such a variety
Did Hugh shame his friends? ...
Well, the answer depends
On the meaning you give impropriety!
(February, 2001)
Do heart-bypass ops (which re-junction)
Improve much upon Extreme Unction? ...
A recent report
Says the op will abort
About 20% of brain function!
(February, 2001)
It seems from the National Enquirer
What helped Bill — Lewinsky's admirer —
Repent her much faster
Was Jackson as pastor ...
A seasoned unconjugal sirer!
(January, 2001)
Ms. Chavez, the Bush nomination
For Labor, supports pernoctation
By immigrant maids
In the charity grades —
Whose employment's exempt from taxation!
(January, 2001)
© 2001. All rights reserved.
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