Limericks for 2025

For an actor who beats his own drum
With long speeches, the moment had come
For an Oscar repeat,
But his mouth was replete—
So his girlfriend got pelted with gum!

(March, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 14th)
Story here

When a kayaker's caught in a gale,
Caused by being engulfed by a whale,
He expects he will die—
But this Chilean guy
Is still living and telling his tale!

(February, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on 6th March)
Story here

From Washington to the Pacific,
America reels from prolific
Executive orders
On movement at borders
By Trump—who opines, "I'm tariffic!"

(February, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 11th)
Story here

Danes

Donald Trump would like Greenland to be
An American state by decree.
Nettled Danes, with a scoff,
Explete: Donald, f*** off—
Speaking words understood by DT!

(January 24, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on 3rd March)
Story here

Perps

Perps with accents produced by RP
Elocution are judged not to be
Really criminal, yet
People charmed by this set
Should beware when posh fingers are free!

(January, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on 10th February)
Story here

When reform's overdue by a load,
Politicians respond using code.
They will promise to do
Yet another review—
But they're kicking the can down the road!

(January, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 17th)
Story here

If you hope, as a teen, to outsmart
Every other guy throwing a dart,
Then you'd best learn to play
Darts before you can say
'Darts'—in nappies is how you should start!

(January, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 16th)
Story here

Hilda

Heifer Hilda's lab-bred derrière
Is designed to relieve the despair
Left behind by ten score
Dirty-coal years or more—
As it issues low-methane hot air!

(January, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on the 6th)
Story here

© 2025
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