Limericks for 2022
Mused Pope Francis: I couldn't step down
Since I knew I would make the Lord frown ...
Now I needn't press on
Since that obstacle's gone—
There's no room for three popes in this town!
(December, 2022; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 12th January,
2023)
Story
here
Bid farewell to the king from Brazil.
Pele dazzled us all with his skill.
And the hat-trick he got—
Three World Cups—still has not
Been transcended: that record's his still!
(December, 2022)
Story
here
The Three Lions are one in arrears
When their penalty taker appears:
Harry Kane, spot-kick star,
Shoots way over the bar—
So again England wait four more years!
(December, 2022)
Story
here
It's four fifths of a metre long, straight,
Just a fourth of a kilo in weight
And lets culture exalt
Yeast, flour, water and salt—
The baguette is the gem they create!
(November, 2022)
Story
here
Sharm el-Sheikh's brimming over with top
Dogs who say global warming must stop ...
But they'll vote for a plan
That means kicking the can
Down the road to another year's COP!
(November, 2022)
Story
here
A reporter, on air to advise
About theft, let a bird dramatize
His main point: having soared
With his earphone on board,
This pert parrot showed theft's on the rise!
(November, 2022)
Story
here
Will the owner of Twitter admit,
What the world's richest man paid for it,
Which is four times as great
As its worth on this date,
Is what makes Elon Musk its Chief Twit?
(October, 2022)
Story
here
Liz Truss may have sworn she's unbending
On taxes, on growth and on lending,
But Jeremy Hunt
Has been equally blunt—
With the mother of U-turns on spending!
(October, 2022; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 20th)
Story
here
"It was not my intent to concuss
My own Chancellor," ventured Liz Truss,
"Though I wish he was downed
On some better laid ground
When I threw Kwasi under the bus!"
(October, 2022; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 6th)
Story
here
Since old habits of speech are preferred,
They resist a new monarchy's word:
When the Queen passed away,
"King" was awkward to say—
Versus "Prince, I mean King" Charles the Third!
(September, 2022)
Story
here
An Avanti train's rarely on time,
Meaning riders should be in their prime
If they go to the Lakes—
Or get locked behind stakes
Where the only way out is to climb!
(August, 2022)
Story
here
The Wagatha Christie judicial
Proceedings were not beneficial
To Vardy, whose version
Of smartphone immersion
Did not sway a High Court official!
(July, 2022)
Story
here
You may have been taught it's not cricket,
But when you must walk past a picket
And face provocation,
Forget Education—
A raised middle finger's the ticket!
(July, 2022)
Story
here
A bear from beyond the equator,
At tea with the Queen and her waiter,
Revealed the food store
That her handbag is for—
It's a marmalade sandwich, for later!
(June, 2022; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 8th)
Story
here
"Think of Earth" was a French artist's shout
As he leapt from a wheelchair redoubt
With fake lips and fake hair
To deface Mona's stare
With cream pie—he completely wigged out!
(May, 2022)
Story
here
All talk of a levelled-up nation,
As poor folks face crippling inflation,
Begins to sound fishy
When Chancellor Rishi
Responds by increasing taxation!
(March, 2022)
Story
here
The Tories would not be in panic
If Boris looked more messianic.
But Cabinet changing
Is just rearranging
The deckchairs upon his Titanic!
(February, 2022; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 17th)
Story
here
Since your wineglass is empty again
And the Co-op is open, that's when
You head down to the Strand
With a suitcase in hand
And return to booze up Number Ten!
(January, 2022)
Story
here
Feargal Lynn received mail from afar,
Though it had no address: His guitar,
Ma, Da, butcher-shop friend
And half-postcode would send
It direct to across from the Spar!
(January, 2022)
Story
here
A courageous adventurer, Preet
Has achieved a remarkable feat
In her role model's role:
She has reached the South Pole
Trekking solo across the ice sheet!
(January, 2022)
Story
here
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