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Indiscriminate I'm indiscriminate: my storied poos, Nitrogenizing all of London Town, Drop no more frequently on avenues In Smithfield than on courtyards of the Crown. Since also I'm ubiquitous, I fit Conditions for a brand new logo that Reflects how glitter's juxtaposed with grit In London: it's a pigeon with its splat. Museum critics scorn, and wrongly claim I'm never spoken, felt or thought about— Not one has read enough to know my name Appears in Tennyson and Blake ... Watch out: Though random fire's my thing, if I see red, Expect a pinpoint drop—right on your head! (First published on 26th August, 2024 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
All Taken Care Of A gymnast from the Philippines, who aced Leaps, somersaults and twists on vault and floor, Left Paris with two golds. He's poised to taste The high life he had not felt destined for. A vault may be required to let this guy Keep cash and swag to which his golden pair Entitles him, and he will never buy Necessities like condos and this fare: Cholesterol-filled chicken, mac and cheese, And ramen ... Won't his junk-food binge impair Repeat gold medals in LA? Oh, please!— Enteric stress will be all taken care Of by a bowel doctor's gift to gym: Free colonoscopies for life for him! (First published on 2nd September, 2024 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
The Biggest Boss The biggest boss's bio-lab brigade Has orders for an anti-aging pill, Ensuring his demise can be delayed By decades. Then the tsar can still fulfill Imperial designs. And all his gray, Gerontocratic Kremlin cronies can Go giddy at the thought they may, some day, Extend their lives to twice the current span ... Still, medical ambitions cost a bomb. The Kremlin hawks will know, this question must Be asked: where is the money coming from?— One pill for him could make his war go bust ... Some day we'll say he did not preen in vain, Should vanity bring peacetime to Ukraine! (First published in Light on 9th September, 2024 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
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By A Country Mile Beyoncé's Cowboy Carter premiered Ya-Ya, Jolene, Flamenco, Dolly P And twenty-three more tracks. The album fared Commendably. It reached the apogee Of country music charts, with catchy chords, Unique within the sphere. But it would snag No nominations for the top awards This year. Is Texas Hold 'Em not their bag? ... Reporters said Beyoncé got a snub, Yet many experts knew low airplay might Mean voters loyal to the country club Ignored Beyoncé's songs. But Bey, despite Low airplay, leads the field. And since her style Enthrals, she's leading by a country mile! (First published on 23rd September, 2024 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
Your Desk Or Mine? Yevgeny S is in distress. His stats On fertile females, working hard, who are Unpatriotic—childless, raising cats— Reveal some news that doesn't please his tsar: Damn workaholics threaten Russia with Extinction. Now there's urgency to mate ... So long as numbers of your kin and kith Keep falling, Yev tells workers, copulate On every lunch and coffee break or face Reproval by the boss. Don't make him cross, Make babies, join the race to save the race In hot desk office space as soon as poss ... No condoms!—bona fide Russian line Extenders only for, "Your desk or mine?" (First published on 30th September, 2024 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
C'Est La Villa Vie Cruise patrons, poised to circumnavigate Earth's oceans, weathered four months not at sea, Stuck waiting for repair jobs by the late Titanic's shipyard on their Villa Vie. Last week, at last, their liner sailed away As far as near the mouth of Belfast Lough. Views from this spot may not be what they pay In spades for. Its more-scenic-than-the-dock Location left the cruisers sighing, "C'est La vie." They're philosophical. They'll wait At anchor happily to spend each day Vacationing till twenty twenty-eight— If no more hiccups strand them far from sea, Expectant, sighing "C'Est La Villa Vie." (First published in Light on 7th October, 2024 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |