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Anatomy Of A Case Anatomy can't be beyond your wit: Not being able to do chores or play A game with kids does not mean too unfit To toss a Christmas tree a mile away Or fake a contest winner's smile. The harm My car crash did means I'm in constant pain, Yet it does not affect my throwing arm Or facial muscles, Judge, because my brain Feels crash pain only in my middle back, Attached to which is neither arm nor face. Contrariwise, I lift no heavy sack, As it would wrack my back ... I rest my case, Soliciting for five years' wages lost ... Excuse me, Judge, you what—my case is tossed? (First published on 11th March, 2024 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
The Insect Elite This year, cicadas threaten to emerge Humongously. If you stand too close by, Expect a drenching when they get the urge— It won't be droplets falling from your sky. No human but a scientist could think Success means getting peed on as you cry, "Eureka! I have found the missing link Connecting giant beasts to lesser fry: These insects have evolved to take a leak Efficiently in carefree spurts, despite Low sustenance from sap and small physique Implying they should pee in droplets" ... Might Their spurting indicate they want to be Elite?—They're quite the jet set when they pee! (First published on 8th April, 2024 in Oddball Magazine. Story here and here) |
A Daily Guardian A daily Guardian looks after you, Defending you against discomfort and Adversity: When rocks that you accrue, In studying the sliding of the land, Look muddyish, your Guardian will let You wrap them up in it. And lest your bum Get damp, it shields you when the ground is wet. Up cloistered cliffs, from which the drop is plumb And where you freeze, your Guardian is what Reheats your legs. It's even there to get Destroyed for you by fire to light your spot ... If no such bother, though, has happened yet, A Guardian can entertain instead: News snippets and the letters can be read! (First published in Light on 6th May, 2024 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
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A Portrait In Red Auld Queen Camilla, shown a portrait, said Politely "Yes, you've got him!" to a famed Oil painter who immersed King Charles in red. Republicans might hope red paint proclaimed The king to be a closet one of them. Red Queen and Alice fans might see instead A crafty Cheshire-Catlike stratagem In which King Charles becomes a floating head, Two floating hands, and nothing more: red haze Is soon to hide the rest ... It goes to show, No two beholders of what art portrays React the same. So we can only know Equivocally how Charles was got: the queen's Declined to tell us what her comment means! (First published in the Fall-Winter 2024 issue of Rat's Ass Review. Story here) |
Must My Show Go On? Must I stop watching England play, and act? Until I know the outcome of events, Should I pretend my gut is not intact, Then watch in hiding in the nearest gents? My play and spot kicks both at once begin, Yet I would rather be in Dusseldorf, Soliloquizing on an England win. How well this giant shoot-out goes will dwarf Old Vic proceedings—must my show go on, Without delay? What do my patrons say? ... Glued firmly to a spot-kick marathon On smartphones, all are saying: Halt the play Onstage—right now, the highest drama's found Not here, but on a German football ground! (First published in Light on 15th July, 2024 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
Change Needs You Constabulary scandals at the Met Have sparked our urgent search for raw recruits, Accustomed to low wages, who might get New thrills from stepping out in copper's boots. Got empathy? Got courage and respect? Employment as a copper beckons—if New Scotland Yard sees all three boxes checked, Expect the competition won't be stiff. Excited to reform our culture? We're Delighted that you want to work for change, Since change is all we pay for this career ... You'll soon have climbed up to a higher range Of pay though: cops who had those jobs were fired— Unhappily, that's why you're getting hired! (First published in Light on 22nd July, 2024 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |