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Bare Essentials Bikinis, trunks and speedos would appal Assorted Snakes and Ladders players who Reveal themselves in Hemswell Village Hall, Espousing their commitment to eschew Excessive garb—save one reporter there, Sans underwear, uncovering bits for Some journalistic scoop on why Brits dare Expose their all for starkers Scrabble or Nude chess. He's told that bareness frees a chap To be at ease. But when fresh tea is brewed, It's poured out through a spout above his lap, And tea is hot ... which leads him to conclude: Life's bare essentials for a journalist Should not be just a Fitbit on the wrist! (First published on 14th November, 2022 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
Hare-Brained Dog Hounds follow rabbits anywhere they roam Although, inside a rabbit hole, the earth Retards pursuit. So did a burrowed home Ensnare a dog called Cheddar—did his girth Block passage in and out? Or did this hound Repose at will, quite still but not stuck fast, Avoiding fire crews digging in the ground In vain, for six whole hours, until at last No hope remained that they would tunnel through? Extraction having been ruled out, the crews Departed, thinking Cheddar must have too ... Don't underrate a hare-brained dog you lose Outside your home. He needs a night away. Give him a break. He'll reappear next day! (First published in Light on 7th November, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
It's The Ergonomy It's the ergonomy, ye stooped! You spent Two years hunched over laptops on a bed, Settee or kitchen stool, and now you're bent Too out of shape for office work instead. Home working wasn't introduced to wreck Employment, but you had no peloton Elliptical to stretch your back and neck, Relax your nerves and put a damper on Godawful posture twisting up your spine Or aggravating wrist and shoulder strain— Numb digits make it hard to type this line: Off sick today with carpal-tunnel pain ... My moral's clear: Be glad of your commute— You get away, and stretch yourself to boot! (First published in Light on 21st November, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
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Twit And Twitter The planet's richest man has bought a firm Worth scarce a fourth of what he had to pay. It's drowning Twitter's boss in drang and sturm— The new Chief Twit is feeling broke today! An exodus of engineers who do Not want to be extremely hardcore nerds Depressed his advertising revenue To where now Twitter's strictly for the birds ... While Donald Trump's restored account lies mute, If all who used to tweet should make the choice To move across to Mastodon and toot, Then who would still use Twitter as their voice Except the Twit? ... Would he then tweet, to him, Remorse for buying Twitter on a whim?! (First published in Light on 28th November, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
St. Bernard's Road St. Bernard's Road in Solihull is where Two neighbours disagreed about a tree Belonging to ... well, that's what kept this pair Embroiled in leans upon their property. Retired Doc Martin moaned: "It hid my land." Next door his neighbour fumed: "It leaned my way, And it was worth well over fifty grand. Removing it was criminal—you'll pay!" Doc duly went to plead his case in court, Supported by an arborist who said Removal did no harm: the tree, though short Of branches, which were worthless, was not dead ... A moral isn't very hard to see: Downed foliage can leave you up a tree! (First published on 30th January, 2023 in the Creativity Webzine. Story here) |
Turkey Roasting The Yuletide feast makes turkey children mourn: Until a week before, their mom and pop Rejoiced with them on mountains of fresh corn— Kids then see parents sentenced to the chop! Expressions of condolence don't abound: You can't expect a butcher to feel sad, Regaled at Christmas dinner with a mound Of stuffing, sauce and roasted mom and dad. A veggie is the only one who'll care: Simpatico with turkeys, pigs and steers, The veggie murders only meatless fare, Intent on causing turkey babes no tears ... Noel's the time when only veggies bear Glad tidings to young turkeys everywhere! (First published on 5th December, 2022 in the Creativity Webzine) |