Tiny Spatchcock
The wealthy London diner has a grouse:
It's that he hasn't. Mayfair's cooking pot
Needs game birds flying at the country house,
Yet this year's birds are finding it too hot.
Since Twelfth of August, when the shoot began,
Plush restaurants have struggled to secure
A tiny spatchcock for the wealthy man
To boast his dinner's fresh from upland moor.
Chefs, quailing at lost profits, might reflect:
How many socialites, when plied with wine,
Can tell grilled grouse from spatchcocked mice, bedecked—
Once tails have been removed—with superfine
Concoctions of bread sauce? ... Throughout the shoot,
Keep mousetraps handy for a substitute!
(First published on 24th August, 2026 in Oddball Magazine.
Story here)
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