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Bigger And Lower Before The Bull was partly painted out, Its balls were bigger, dangling lower down— Genteel Dutch folk were bashful, then, about Gigantic orbs on pictures hung in town Establishments. Conservators, who are Restoring this iconic painting (by A Dutchman) with their modern repertoire, Not only, using X-rays, verify Dimensions, but can also resurrect, Like new, the glories last seen long ago On Potter's Bull and give it more respect, With all of its endowment still on show ... Except, they don't—in art, Dutch bourgeoisie Remain as bashful as they used to be! (First published in the Spring-Summer 2026 issue of Rat's Ass Review. Story here) |
Veronika The Cow Veronika the cow can wield a broom, Enabling her to scratch her back and breast, Relieving itch. This Austrian, for whom Old age brings fame, is now the manifest New poster-girl for multi-purpose tools In use by livestock, widely thought to lack Keen intellect. But what if they aren't fools And, copying Veronika, attack The status quo with brooms held high—if smart Hoofed animals refuse to constitute Earth's humans' prime rib roast supply and start Campaigns to claim their basic right, pursuit Of happiness? ... Will humans have a beef With Austria's tool-user-cow-in-chief? (First published in the March 2026 issue of Lighten Up Online. Story here) |
A False Identity An octopus was in the record book For having been the oldest in its long Ancestral pedigree. But what you look Like isn't what you were. The book was wrong: Strange blobs are hard to tell apart when they've Endured three hundred million years below Immense dead weight of rock above their grave. Dentition outs a record that is faux: Exceeding nine in dental number thus Negates the fossil's octopoidal claim To fame—it was instead a nautilus, Inside a false identity ... To name The fossil specimen you found beneath Your ancient rocks correctly, count its teeth! (First published on 4th May, 2026 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |