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Economic Growth Exchequer mandarins, in need of cash, Collude with pubs to raise it from more sales Of alcohol at night-time, when a bash Need never more break up too soon in Wales Or England. Longer opening hours mean both More opportunity to be pie-eyed In public and more "economic growth"— Consumption with taxation on the side. Great Britain's not for temperance if booze Revives its fortunes: Rachel Reeves's vows Of no new taxes mean tax revenues Will have to come instead from old cash cows: The more you drink, the more taxation will Have drained your wallet, paying Reeves's bill! (First published in Light on 13th October, 2025 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
Weighty Matters When sumo comes to London's Albert Hall, Enormity recalibrates all norms In weighty matters: toilets on the wall Get reinforced, big chairs are bought, and dorms Have stronger beds for crucial post-lunch naps— These beds must take the strain of quite a hulk, Yet manage for three hours to not collapse. Men apt to find their monolithic bulk Abruptly thrust upon close ringside seats To squash their biggest fans, inflate the charge That guarantees insurance cover meets Expenses from their surgeons' ultra-large Repairs. But every ticket has been sold— So sumo wrestling's worth its weight in gold! (First published in Light on 20th October, 2025 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
The Comeback Kid The Comeback Kid had been agog to hear His Covid leadership at Number Ten Exonerated—rather than appear Chaotic in a non-Churchillian den Of toxic indecisiveness, which let Matt Hancock overpromise while BJ Escaped to Kent, the better to forget Briefs warning him of danger on its way. A tale of handshakes in a patient ward, Complacency and aimlessness saw him Kill time (a month of it, as cases soared), Keep partying and legislate by whim ... It's doubtful any comeback stratagem Delivers him an encore as PM! (First published on 8th December, 2025 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
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Pavarotti On Ice Poor Luciano Pavarotti! He Attained the heights of opera stardom. His Vacation home caused Pesaro to be A place you've heard of, where his statue is Revered. The bronze was viewable (with arms Outstretched) from head to toe on every side Till planners disrespected tenor charms To build a skating rink for Christmastide In town, and now the High-Cs King is caged On ice, forlorn, submerged up to his knees, Not being viewed. His widow is enraged: It irks that skaters give high fives (not Cs) ... Contrition's shown, but they had best rethink Enclosing Pavarotti in a rink! (First published in Light on 8th December, 2025 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |