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Don't Pet Our Kiwi! Dear Florida, if you ban classic nudes, Or poems by Amanda Gorman, or Non-binary identities, or dudes That do say gay, or textbooks that explore Pangender issues, we'll deplore you, yet Exotic diehard anti-wokeness lacks True urgency down under ... But, don't pet Our kiwi, or you're bound to get our backs Up rapidly! Our kiwi is a shy, Retiring bird. Did no one at your zoo Know it's nocturnal? Shouldn't that imply It can't be brightly lit on public view While getting pawed? So let it just retire In darkness—or you'll feel New Zealand's ire! (First published on 5th June, 2023 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
Out For The Count On Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire, each year, Unbalanced individuals converge To chase a giant cheese downhill. Their sheer Fell swoop obeys the death-defying urge Of true Dutch courage proffered by a pub's Refreshments in the hours before the race ... This year, BC's Delaney Irving stubs Her toe while trailing back in second place, Escapes from contact with the ground, takes flight, Clears several metres, lands again and rolls On down to take the lead and win—all quite Unconsciously ... This kamikaze soul's Nerve-jangling plunge shows how you can amount To something when you're knocked out for the count! (Prompted by this article and first published in the Fall-Winter 2023 issue of Rat's Ass Review) |
Colonel's Review Clothes worn by British guardsmen on parade On torrid days are not as they should be: Loose-fitting, light and white. Tight tunics made Of scarlet wool, whose collars guarantee Necks feel constricted; tall black bearskin caps, Extending to the sky; and black wool slacks, Leave little scope for you to not collapse, Should you be on trombone when temps reach max ... Regardless, once your fainting fit has gone, Expect to get yourself back on your feet, Vow not to faint again, and carry on— It's what Brits do ... But if you yield to heat Exhaustion, rest assured, the way you played Would fit you for a passing out parade! (First published in the Fall 2023 issue of WestWard Quarterly. Story here) |
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No Kid—No Kidding No kid—no kidding—comes in here to eat Or drink: this restaurant's a kid-free zone. Korean grown-ups like a safe retreat In which a scroll through menus on a phone Does not mean it or they or someone's kid Needs tech support or medics' expertise On being scalded by hot broth amid Kids on the loose and doing as they please ... If you're the parent, do your duty, heed Demographers—Korea's rate of birth Dropped far too low. Go home again and breed! If you're the kid, work hard for all you're worth— No shirking duty dining out, or old Gray diners' pension funds will fail to hold! (First published on 10th July, 2023 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
The Mickey Mural The Immigration chief on Team UK Has ordered: Whitewash walls—kids shouldn't be Encouraged to feel welcome here if they Migrated in small boats across the sea. In Dover, staff demurred at playing ball. Cartoons of Mickey Mouse and bear Baloo— Kind gestures in a mural on a wall— Extended caring hands of friendship to Young kids, alone. But now those pictures are Misguidedly effaced. What art will go Up in their place? Cruella? Scar? Jafar? ... Right minds must feel embarrassed, since they know An action that's appalling and absurd Lets Britain down—and no child is deterred. (First published in the New Verse News on 12th July, 2023. Story here) |
Twitter Laid An X? The bird that was in Elon's hand, although Worth two in any bush, is X-iled from Its nest at Twitter. Doesn't Elon know There's no good word for tweets on X.com? They can't be t-X-ts. It's way too dull. If he Elects to call them Xes, as he said, Retweets would be re-Xes, sure to be Less trendy—did he just not think ahead? A man who buys a valued brand and wrecks It, and is coy about his game plan, may Deliver: he says Twitter laid an X, An app for every thing you do each day ... No, I don't buy it. Pull the other leg— X marks the spot where Elon laid an egg! (First published on 7th August, 2023 in Oddball Magazine. Story here and here) |