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Darren Harrison Despite no background flying airplanes, I Am now this Cessna's pilot, so I should Report its plight is serious, and try Relanding it—in Florida, touch wood ... Excuse me? Roger? No, it's Darren here, Negotiating nosedives. This machine Has no beginner's guide on how to steer And steady, while the navigation screen Refuses to switch on, so I've no clue Regarding my position, though I know I have the coast of Florida in view— Should I pull here, or push the knob below? ... On solid ground at last. No further hitch. Now I must turn this thing off ... Where's the switch? (First published in Light on 16th May, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
It Takes The Cake If you're a climate activist, you've vowed To think of Earth—whose dairy cows stand by To fart a global-warming methane cloud— And you protest, by hurling your cream pie, Kept hidden in your wheelchair till you can Eject it at the Mona Lisa's gaze? ... Suppose, though, you're an artist with a plan To root for abstract art to have some praise Heaped on it—so, to teach the public, you'd Explain your own technique? Which theory best Corroborates the facts, when some French dude Appears in drag to cream Leonardo's guest? — Know what I think? It's neither. It's about Exhibiting fake hair—and wigging out! (First published on 5th July, 2022 in Oddball Magazine. Story here) |
A Monarch's Purse A queen—whose servants serve to satisfy Ma'am's every whim—need never carry cash Or Kleenex: Though there's nothing she can't buy, No subject asks for cash, it lacks panache, And even if queens blew their noses, and Reportedly they don't, a footman would Come leaping with a hanky in his hand ... Her Majesty, we long have understood, Scarce needs her purse, but brings it nonetheless, Perplexing us for decades. What is holed Up in it? Gin? The Racing Post? Each guess Remained just that. But now the secret's told: She hides a royal sandwich—freshly made Elizabethan bread and marmalade! (First published in Light on 13th June, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
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I'm Disappointed I'm disappointed your account was not Made fuller, and affronted that you would Deliberately breach the Code. And what Is more, that "miscommunication" should Suggest I somehow was to blame that you Avoided learning my concerns in full, Prime Minister, is something that I rue ... Permit me to translate: You're full of bull, Old bean, I'm at my tether's end. You're just Impossible. You're so mendacious, sly, Nefarious, corrupt and void of trust That I was dumb to be your ethics guy. Exasperated, I resign—and can Delight that I'm a dis-appointed man! (First published in Light on 20th June, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here and here) |
A Grilled Rabbit A rabbit on a grassy highway plans Grand feasts—not being severed from its ma, Released with just a carrot in some man's Idea of a wooded Shangri-La Long after jamming through his grille and hence Left bloody-nosed within a distant strange Environment. So when this man sees sense, Decides the rabbit needs its old home range, Retrieves a box—like one some poachers use— And tries recapture, there is no surprise: Believing it is destined to make stews, Before the man can pounce, the rabbit flies ... If you got grilled but didn't cook your goose, Then you don't trust the griller—you vamoose! (First published in Light on 27th June, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |
Panicking Putin Plump Russian soldiers who are long retired And drink a quart of vodka every day Now may, by Putin's order, be required— In huge fatigues—to head back to the fray. Commanders of the Russians in Ukraine Keep getting killed, or proving that they are Inept, and getting fired from Vlad's campaign— Neurotic panic seems to grip this tsar. Girth once considered far too large to fight Protrudes from General Pavel to afford Ukrainians an easy target site That Putin surely couldn't have ignored In drafting him. What gives? ... This guy will show No stomach for the fight when told to go! (First published in Light on 4th July, 2022 as one of the Poems of the Week. Story here) |