With Half A Crown

 The Independent article appeared on June 21, 2021—
 which, of course, is no longer last week. In case this
 chronological discrepancy bothers you, below is a
 variant of the original poem with Line 7 altered in
 the hope that it no longer will.


"With half a crown, there's nothing you can do,"
  Intoned my dad when uncles gave me cash,
"Though if you save them till you have a few,
  Half-crowns can grow to build a tidy stash—
  However, they will never bring a thing,
  Alone!" ... But did my father lie to me? ...
  Long afterwards, a lone half-crown did bring:
  Fir-loving Bharat Mistry's neighbors Lee—
  Aggrieved by noisy songbirds dropping poo,
  Completely blanketing the car on site—
  Reshaped his crown by slicing it in two,
  Obliterating growth along the right! ...
  With half a crown, they won't be tourist-free—
  Now half of Sheffield flocks to see this tree!

 
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