Limericks Appearing in Newspapers and Magazines

 

  Said the Pope to a good hundred-odd
  Of the world's top-comedian squad:
  I am grateful to you
  For the job that you do—
  And it's fine to make jokes about God!


  (Wednesday 19th June, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
  Plato

  Philosophers praised as undying
  Like I am, need more edifying
  And rhythmical airs
  Than these peasant affairs
  Off the farm—which I seem to be buying!"


  (Monday 24th June, 2024 in Oddball Magazine)
 

  For a bet on the date of a poll,
  When your savings have gone, and your goal
  Is to make a quick buck,
  You may well be in luck
  With a tip from a Downing Street mole!


  (Wednesday 26th June, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
  Trump vs Biden (1st limerick)

  Trump

  That doddery dude with the stammer
  Rehearsed for a week in the crammer.
  Unforced was his error:
  My un-rehearsed terror
  Prevailed—he's who I got to hammer!


  (Monday 8th July, 2024 in Oddball Magazine)
  Trump vs Biden (2nd limerick)

  Biden

  Bow out? Not a chance. Stop denying,
  If barely, my flag is still flying.
  Don't cave—or we'll suffer
  Electing that duffer
  Named Donald who's constantly lying!


  (Monday 8th July, 2024 in Oddball Magazine)
 



  'If the Lord, the Almighty, sees fit
  To convince me to go, I submit—
  But no woman or man
  In America can,'
  Joe had said ... on a Sunday, he quit.


  (Thursday 25th July, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
 

  Gareth Southgate has managed his last
  Game for England. The baton is passed.
  He has weathered some loss
  In his time as the boss,
  But not once has the man been outclassed!


  (Friday 26th July, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
 

  A spectacular opening bash
  On the Seine had been planned, with panache,
  'Til it poured on the day ...
  But detractors can't say
  That the Games didn't start with a splash!


  (Tuesday 6th August, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
   Cheek

   College student with chutzpah from Crowle:
  'Hesitation means loss in this role.
   Even kids can explain
   England losing to Spain:
   Kane was started—it should have been Cole!'


  (Monday 12th August, 2024 in Oddball Magazine)
   Andy M

   Andy Murray's a legend. This Brit's
   Never recognized calling it quits.
   Down is out? Not at all ...
   Yet events cast their Paul:
   Murray's had to retire on the Fritz!


  (Monday 19th August, 2024 in Oddball Magazine)
  Plato

 




  (Sunday 1st September, 2024 in Lighten Up
   Online
; variant of limerick published
   on Monday 24th June in Oddball Magazine)
 

  Though my wife's in a rage, mused Jermaine,
  I believe that her anger will wane.
  But my dog's looking so
  Disappointed, I know
  It will never get over the pain!


  (Friday 6th September, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
   Augur

   A columnist's words were unheeded,
   Until demolition proceeded:
   Glad, augured this writer,
   U, Z Gen, were brighter—
   Removing the columns not needed!


  (Monday 9th September, 2024 in Oddball Magazine)
 

  From Keir Starmer, the message is terse:
  There's a hole in the Treasury's purse.
  Is it old? Is it new?
  Either way, things are due
  To, before they get better, get worse!


  (Wednesday 11th September, 2024 in the Daily Mail)
 

  Royal protocol meant not a lot,
  When Black Ferns put King Charles on the spot.
  In a video shot,
  You heard 'Hug?' and'Why not!'
  But a scrum was the hug that he got!


  (Thursday 19th September, 2024 in the Daily Mail)



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