Topical Acrostic Sonnets

 Indiscriminate

 I'm indiscriminate: my storied poos,
 Nitrogenizing all of London Town,
 Drop no more frequently on avenues
 In Smithfield than on courtyards of the Crown.
 Since also I'm ubiquitous, I fit
 Conditions for a brand new logo that
 Reflects how glitter's juxtaposed with grit
 In London: it's a pigeon with its splat.
 Museum critics scorn, and wrongly claim
 I'm never spoken, felt or thought about—
 Not one has read enough to know my name
 Appears in Tennyson and Blake ... Watch out:
 Though random fire's my thing, if I see red,
 Expect a pinpoint drop—right on your head!

 (First published on 26th August, 2024 in
  Oddball Magazine. Story here)
 All Taken Care Of

 A gymnast from the Philippines, who aced
 Leaps, somersaults and twists on vault and floor,
 Left Paris with two golds. He's poised to taste
 The high life he had not felt destined for.
 A vault may be required to let this guy
 Keep cash and swag to which his golden pair
 Entitles him, and he will never buy
 Necessities like condos and this fare:
 Cholesterol-filled chicken, mac and cheese,
 And ramen ... Won't his junk-food binge impair
 Repeat gold medals in LA? Oh, please!—
 Enteric stress will be all taken care
 Of by a bowel doctor's gift to gym:
 Free colonoscopies for life for him!

 (First published on 2nd September, 2024 in
  Oddball Magazine. Story here)
 The Biggest Boss

 The biggest boss's bio-lab brigade
 Has orders for an anti-aging pill,
 Ensuring his demise can be delayed
 By decades. Then the tsar can still fulfill
 Imperial designs. And all his gray,
 Gerontocratic Kremlin cronies can
 Go giddy at the thought they may, some day,
 Extend their lives to twice the current span ...
 Still, medical ambitions cost a bomb.
 The Kremlin hawks will know, this question must
 Be asked: where is the money coming from?—
 One pill for him could make his war go bust ...
 Some day we'll say he did not preen in vain,
 Should vanity bring peacetime to Ukraine!

 (First published in Light on 9th September, 2024 as
  one of the Poems of the Week. Story here)
 By A Country Mile

 Beyoncé's Cowboy Carter premiered
 Ya-Ya, Jolene, Flamenco, Dolly P
 And twenty-three more tracks. The album fared
 Commendably. It reached the apogee
 Of country music charts, with catchy chords,
 Unique within the sphere. But it would snag
 No nominations for the top awards
 This year. Is Texas Hold 'Em not their bag? ...
 Reporters said Beyoncé got a snub,
 Yet many experts knew low airplay might
 Mean voters loyal to the country club
 Ignored Beyoncé's songs. But Bey, despite
 Low airplay, leads the field. And since her style
 Enthrals, she's leading by a country mile!

 (First published on 23rd September, 2024 in
  Oddball Magazine. Story here)
 Your Desk Or Mine?

 Yevgeny S is in distress. His stats
 On fertile females, working hard, who are
 Unpatriotic—childless, raising cats—
 Reveal some news that doesn't please his tsar:
 Damn workaholics threaten Russia with
 Extinction. Now there's urgency to mate ...
 So long as numbers of your kin and kith
 Keep falling, Yev tells workers, copulate
 On every lunch and coffee break or face
 Reproval by the boss. Don't make him cross,
 Make babies, join the race to save the race
 In hot desk office space as soon as poss ...
 No condoms!—bona fide Russian line
 Extenders only for, "Your desk or mine?"

 (First published on 30th September, 2024 in
  Oddball Magazine. Story here)
 C'Est La Villa Vie

 Cruise patrons, poised to circumnavigate
 Earth's oceans, weathered four months not at sea,
 Stuck waiting for repair jobs by the late
 Titanic's shipyard on their Villa Vie.
 Last week, at last, their liner sailed away
 As far as near the mouth of Belfast Lough.
 Views from this spot may not be what they pay
 In spades for. Its more-scenic-than-the-dock
 Location left the cruisers sighing, "C'est
 La vie." They're philosophical. They'll wait
 At anchor happily to spend each day
 Vacationing till twenty twenty-eight—
 If no more hiccups strand them far from sea,
 Expectant, sighing "C'Est La Villa Vie."

 (First published in Light on 7th October, 2024 as
  one of the Poems of the Week. Story here)



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